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I grew up in a home that believed in discipline. Now, I want to be absolutely clear, many people today believe in “time out,” but Jim and Pam Stockdale believed in spankings. The real kind where you could hear the belt coming out of the belt loops as daddy got ready to administer discipline, swift and sure, or the willow tree limb snapping as mom broke off a piece just right for the ankles.
Oh, sure, there were times I had to stick my nose in the corner or write out 100 times “I will not” or even times I got grounded when I was older, but the spankings during the young years corrected my rebellious behavior early on.
After Eva was born, I had a burning question for my parents. I went to my dad and asked him how I would know when to spank. He looked at me as firm as he ever has and said,
“You spank for rebellion. Anytime it rears its head. Because if you don’t, it will only grow.”
Rebellion shows itself in different forms. It may be blatant defiance or a whine to manipulate their way. In any case, it requires a spanking to correct it.
By most standards, my parents would have been considered strict. I love them for it. People used to walk up to them in a restaurant and compliment their children’s well-behaved manners.
My parents did not have exceptional children. They had a belt. Consistent follow-through taught my sister and me the importance of obedience. Brittney was warned about opening the sweet and low packets at the table and what would happen if she did it again. She tested the waters. Dad got up. Removed Brittney from the table and headed off to deliver what he had promised. I sat there smiling.
Of course, When dad told me I was getting a spanking when we got home from the barn, I knew he meant it. He told me not to do that. I did it anyway.He was going to help me remember the next time.
One evening I was reading after the kids had gone to bed and found a part I wanted to share with Chuck. I passed him the book and said, “Read page 113, Paragraph 3.” It read…
A parent who is too lenient will produce obnoxious children. The home will be ruled by a child who knows he is boss. Rudeness and backtalk will be common. Temper tantrums will become manipulative tools to force parents to give in. The result will be selfish, demanding children who become adults that expect other people to cater to them.
After he read it, he nodded in agreement.
A few days later, Chuck overheard me correcting Eva. He walked by and said, “Page 113, Paragraph 3.” My negotiation immediately ended, and I remembered who the child was and who the parent was.
About a year ago, I was pregnant with Charlotte and had gone into the back bedroom to ready myself for the day. Eva decided Samson needed some TLC, so she cracked the door. Naturally, Samson wanted to come all the way inside, and Maximus, not to be left out, followed (Penny and Lola had not joined us yet.)
None of our dogs are inside dogs. Outside only. Suppose you don’t understand why they are outside only, I encourage you to go and read some previous blogs. It will enlighten you.
I left the bedroom and found both dogs lying happily in the hallway with Eva. I asked her how they got in here. She said, “Mommy, I tried to get them out but couldn’t. I know it was wrong, and God wants us to tell the truth. So, I am telling you- I let them in.”
I told her how proud I was that she told me the truth and for understanding right from wrong. This time there would be no punishment. But next time, there would be.
Children need to understand the difference between right and wrong. They need a loving yet strong hand to guide them.
Not everything constitutes a spanking. On that note, a lady once told me she made her kids stand next to her if they got in trouble for something minor. She disagreed with sending kids to the bedroom when they got in trouble. She said it created too much time for them to think and for the devil to plant hateful thoughts in their minds. Instead, her children had to stay beside her whatever she was doing. There was no interaction other than seeing them, and they could see her—what a concept. I have used this method many times since. Sometimes I still send Eva to her room, but this method also has its place.
Keep your children close. They are yours to mold and shape. Pour into them even when they are in trouble. No words have to be spoken. Sometimes seeing you is enough.
I never feared my mother or father, but I had a healthy respect for them. I understood what would work and what would not.
I have a father that would walk away before he spanked me out of anger and a mother that would check on me before she went to bed. I have a father that would catch me every time I jumped. And a mother that would tell me the truth no matter what.
It was not candy that made me love my father and mother. It was the correction they administered.
I can still see my father kneeling beside the bed as I sat on the end. “Sis, I want you to know this spanking will hurt me more than it will hurt you. But because I love you, I will do what is required of a father.”
If it doesn’t break the heart of the administrator, it does little to curb the behavior of the child.
Today I am grateful for every act of discipline I received from my parents. It was uncomfortable, unpleasant, and painful. But because of their faithful stewardship, we knew how to sit in the church at ages two and three. We learned our manners for a public table and mother made sure we understood staring was not allowed. We knew how to respect our elders and do what was asked the first time. But most importantly, we knew we were loved.
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“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15
