Raising Arrows

My parents never did for themselves what they didn’t do for the whole family. If one night a week was set aside for date night, then rest assured, one night a week was set aside for family night. It was Thursday night, to be exact. We had a coffee cup that had little strips of paper in it. It was full of fun ideas like going for ice-cream at Zesto’s, swimming at the YMCA, watching a movie, bike riding or horseback riding. We had family board games to choose from or other seasonal activities. My sister and I took turns picking from the cup each week. Family night was just a fun time of laughter and being together. It was another non-negotiable in our home. It happened every week, and we were expected to have chores and homework done so we could participate. Having time together as a family created a bond that could not be broken. It built a bridge that allowed us access into each other’s lives and this bridge would extend through time.

I will never forget when Eva was just a baby. My father said to me, “Chuck and you have eighteen years to raise Eva. There will be a lot of things vying for your time. Put the BIG rocks in first. Let everything else fall where it may.” The BIG rocks consist of Faith, Family and the Fundamentals of being a productive member of society. It can be easy to let tiny pebbles become the most important thing and then wonder why there is no room left for the BIG rocks. We took his advice to heart and went to work.

Children will develop based upon the parenting we deliver, not the friendship we offer. I never did understand that until I had a child of my own. My folks were not my friends. They were my parents. In the Bible, David compares children to arrows. In order to create an arrow that will cut through the wind as it flies, it must spend some time on the chiseling block. Psalms 32:8 says, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will guide you with my eye.” One definition of the word teach means to shoot in a straight manner. An unwrought piece of bone or rock will never be hewn into an arrow that cuts through the wind just sitting beside a chiseling block.

I once had a lady tell me that she didn’t have to worry about her children’s Christian upbringing because the Christian preschool was doing that part for her. I told her that this was our problem in society today. We are letting someone else do what was intended for us to do. We live oblivious to the teaching our children are receiving as we roll through the carpool line.

Our Pastor made a statement one Sunday morning that resonated with me. It hit me right between my eyes as I heard him say, “If I ask your children who is the Godliest man or woman they know and if your name, as mother and father, does not roll off their tongue, you are failing as a parent.” God holds the parents responsible for the upbringing of their children; not grandparents, teachers, daycares or preschools; not churches, Sunday school, friends or the state. Although all of these play an important role in the training of children, the ultimate responsibility rests on the mother and father. Particularly the father, whom God has appointed “head” to lead and serve the family. (Ephesians Chapter Five)

In ancient times, just as today, the arrow has three parts. These parts include the arrowhead, which is the destructive part. Also, the body, to carry the arrowhead.  Lastly, the tail designed to keep the arrow on course. Many arrowheads were made from bones or rocks. They also learned how to heat metals to extreme temperatures and pour the liquid into molds for shaping. Because my parents held my feet to the fire and spent time molding and shaping me, I can honestly say they are two of my very best friends today. Our times together are full of joy and laughter, activities and fellowship. I look forward to being around them. This does not just happen. No family just arrives at a harmonious outcome. It is chiseled at four, molded at eleven, and heated at sixteen. It is left to harden and then removed from the mold by actions, not just words, until all that remains is a perfectly shaped arrow ready to fly and hit its mark. As the bow is pulled back and the arrow is ready to be released, know this, an arrow will only fly as far as the one holding the bow. When the bow is released, and the arrow takes flight, cover it in prayer and watch the Lord’s precious hand guide it through the years.

I am so thankful for my mother and father and the atmosphere in which I was raised. It wasn’t condescending, destructive or critical. It was an atmosphere that was rich in encouragement and held tenderness, love and patience. If your story doesn’t look mine, that’s ok. That’s the beauty about God. Your story isn’t over. He gave you blank pages so you can write a new chapter; a chapter about a life you dream for your family. Title your new chapter, “Family Night,” and watch the pages fill. I promise! You won’t be disappointed!

If I only had a few short sentences to leave Eva, I would say what Erwin Raphael McManus penned to his children.

Eva,

“You are the tip of the spear. You are the future. This is your fight. I pulled the bow back as far as I could and gave you all the strength I had to send you into flight. Fly far and true. Cross enemy lines. Hit the mark. Set captives free. Keep striking until the battle’s won.” 

I Love you BIG,

 Mommy

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” Psalms 127:4

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