Swimming Lessons

Chuck and I have never been big on extracurricular activities for Eva while she is so young. For us, until Eva can decide, on a deeper level, the activities that she really enjoys, we will jump, run, kick, flip, and dance in the backyard. There is one ability, however, that we thought to be more of a necessity than extracurricular; that was swimming lessons. We both love water and spend a lot of time around it. Whether taught by a professional or by us, we wanted her to know how to float and be able to get in and out of a pool, if needed.

Eva was two at the time, almost three the following month. We had a place in town that taught toddlers the basic water lifesaving skills, so we signed Eva up for a four-week course of lessons. I was the designated shuttle, and Chuck was going to come by as soon as he got off work. Eva was so excited when she saw the water and all the kids!

There was a calm before the storm, a storm I never saw coming. When her session arrived, the instructor took her from me and walked her over to where they would be getting into the pool. I sat down on the side to watch. We were told, as parents, we could stay as long as our child didn’t start crying or reaching for us. If the instructor couldn’t gain control, we would have to leave and watch the session from behind the glass. As soon as Eva figured out, I was not coming with her, the storm erupted. She screamed and tried to climb away from the swim teacher. She was reaching for me as if it were her last lifeline. The director came over to me and asked me to please go out behind the door in hopes that Eva would calm down. My heart was heavy, but I did as I was asked.

Eva was in unfamiliar territory, scared, and with someone that she did not know. Although I could see her, she couldn’t see me. The screaming only got worse when I left. My heart was getting heavier by the second until I could not take anymore. I burst through the door and went up beside the pool and asked them to hand her to me. Before I was able to grab her, the director came up to me and asked if she could give me a little advice before I pulled her out of the pool. I conceded. She said, “Would you prefer tears of the unfamiliar or traumatic tears because she doesn’t know how to get out of the pool?” She continued with, “I will let you take your child, but if you take her out of this pool, you will be teaching her that mommy will save her every time she is in trouble. This is not just a fun activity you have signed your child up for. This is to save her life if she ever needed it.” She finished by saying, “I am asking you to go back out behind the door and give us a chance with her.” With tears streaming down my face, I turned around and made the longest walk I have ever made back out of the pool area and left my little girl screaming for mommy. It seemed so painful at the time, but I know now, the pain was a long way from her heart.

Chuck told me, later that day, in not so many words, “Our job as Eva’s parents is not to suffocate her but to give her wings.” To do that, it means, in some cases, walking away. Standing behind the glass, I realized, that was the first time I had ever had to let her go. I knew I had done the right thing, but no one can prepare you for how it feels.

A lady was sitting across the pool who had witnessed the whole thing.  She walked out to where I was, behind the door, and simply hugged me. A complete stranger and yet, a common thread woven between us; motherhood. She let me cry on her shoulder. She understood exactly what I was feeling. Her child was a couple of years older than Eva, so she had some experience under her belt to offer me. I am thankful for her kindness to me that day.

All of our endeavors as parents are moving us toward the moment of release, and yet it’s the hardest part we face. So many thoughts race through our minds, wondering if we have deposited the right things into them for success. As hard as letting go is, watching them fly is the greatest joy a parent can have.

I found out that day, swimming lessons don’t always happen in the pool.

“Jesus grew in wisdom, stature and favor with God and man.” Luke 2:52

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