Then There Was Charlotte

No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you…after all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside…

                                                                                                                Author Unknown

Maternity clothes wear a bit differently on a mother-to-be than that of the perfectly proportioned model that advertises the clothing. The waddle, the swollen limbs, and the aching back of a nine-month pregnant mother dares someone to say the wrong thing!

And yet, all seems forgotten when the long-awaited bundle is laid in your arms. Although the feelings aren’t magical, due to the exhaustion that has overstepped its bounds, there is a relief and a captivating pleasure that overwhelms the soul. All the moments that seemed unbearable to endure are now forgotten…Your prize has arrived.

It was my first outing with Eva. She was about six weeks old and I had mustered up the courage to load her in the car and go out for a little shopping venture. It was a simple outing. I was headed to a sporting goods store, but I was unsure if this store had shopping carts? What was I going to do if they did not? How would I carry my car seat inside? What if she cried? What if she needed a diaper change? Panic set in. I decided I would drive by the front entrance, if I didn’t see shopping carts I would just leave and go back home.

It makes my heart melt every time I remember those first few weeks as a brand-new mother and how publicly brave I pretended to be but honestly, I was terrified.

Six years later, I think nothing of grabbing Eva, applesauce, and an umbrella while heading out the door. Perhaps not quite that lax, but the things that once scared me come as second nature now.

Then there was Charlotte…

Everything I have worked so hard to maintain has now been turned upside down; three blowouts, tee-tee all over the wall, spit-up running down Charlotte’s neck and onto my house shoes while Eva does bounce passes with diapers to the trash can, has me strongly reconsidering my abilities!

Going from a family of three to a family of four left the ground rules the same, but the strategy needed restructuring. Selfish desires did not need conquering nor uncertainties as to how to care for a baby, but the uncomfortable feelings of transition have become the new frontier waiting to be settled with each new day.

The midnight hour will arrest anyone with small children. By sunrise, you feel lost between the sea of burp clothes covered in spit-up and empty bottles needing a wash. The other day Eva asked me, as we were heading out the door for the library, “Mommy are you going like that?” I looked down at myself with tired eyes and then replied, “Yes. Just like this. Now get in the truck.” We run on fumes while counting heads and buckling seat belts. Our sleeves are rolled up as each day begins and ends with the same tasks awaiting completion once again. Through the haze we know, we wouldn’t change a thing.

I remember asking my mother before Charlotte was born, how I could ever love another baby as much as I love Eva? She smiled with what seemed to be memories dancing in her eyes as she said, “You just will. There is always room in your heart to love one more.”

Now once again, I find chores seem to wait so that time can be found for one and toes can be counted on another while rehearsing “This little piggy went to market.” Bedtime seems to linger so that Eva might teach Charlotte all about “Once Upon a Time.”  

Early in the twilight hour, when we were headed to the hospital to meet Charlotte, rain began to play its song on our windshield. Tears flooded my eyes. I waited till I could speak and said to Chuck, “It’s raining.” He answered steady, “I know.” Rain seems to be God’s stamp of approval in major moments of our lives. Why would we have thought this time would be any different?

God faithfully bestowed a precious bundle into our lives and showed us that just when we thought we couldn’t love any deeper – there was Charlotte.

Welcome Home Baby Charlotte…

We’ve been waiting for you.

“…He gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11

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