We are always getting ready to live but never really living.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
She felt warm to the touch. The room was spinning, and her body ached. It didn’t take much diagnosis to realize Eva had the flu. Charlotte was next. Not letting on for fear the playing would come to a stop, she pressed on till she fell fast asleep on the couch. I knew then something wasn’t quite right. For the next two weeks, the flu cycled through each of us. The fight is hard enough when your kids are sick, but when the parents get sick and there are babies involved, it becomes the high seas.
Sitting there rocking Tyson, fighting off the symptoms myself, I looked down at Tyson; he looked up at me and gave me a sign he might throw up. I tossed him forward so as not to get it on me. Phew, that was close. I snuggled him back down with his big brown eyes looking up at me for comfort. Just then, projectile vomit went all over me. My eyes, cheeks, mouth, and body were covered. I sat starkly still in disbelief. Then, realizing I must get up, I waddled out of the room, holding him in my arms. One look from Chuck and he slowly turned around and started the bathroom shower. “I don’t need a shower; just take him so I can wash down, I groaned.” Laughing, he resounded, “Oh, you’re going to need more than that.” I could feel it now, dripping on the inside of my clothes down to my ankles. It had a look and a smell to match. Wiping thick mucus off my face, I took his advice and headed for a full cleaning.
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Collecting my stones to slay another giant, my mother reminded me amid ear infections, flu, fevers, and little sleep to look for the good. I had lost sight of His faithfulness while muddling through the muck and mire. It’s funny how quickly we do that. I began to tell the kids around the breakfast table all the blessings that God had done in our lives. Refusing to quit and remain in a situation God called me to triumph over would be a grave mistake. I would slay this giant with the Lord’s help and win.
It wasn’t long before everyone had mended, and a spring trip was in order. We headed up to see my family and do some much-needed trail rides with the kids. Within a few hours of our first ride out, my sister was bucked off. It happened faster than any of us could have predicted. She broke her rib and had a severe bone contusion in her hip. Questions naturally arose, as did fears and concerns, to solidify any doubts we had about horses. Not that accidents don’t happen with horses, they do, but each of us had many thoughts swirling around the accident. Yet, none of us could let the feel, warmth, or sound of the horses escape our senses, including my sister. When I asked her how she felt about everything, she said, “I won’t ever be ok without horses; They are a part of who I am. I will heal to ride again.”
Fear has a way of creeping in and making you second-guess your decisions when reality slaps you in the face. Yet, it wasn’t the absence of fear that made David face Goliath; David knew something all of Israel had forgotten. God wasn’t waiting in the camp for them to gather their courage. God would meet them on the battlefield to slay their giant.
I couldn’t help but recall something my father said when horses entered our lives again: “This time around, with these grandkids, it’s going to be different. We are going to have more fun than classes. They are going to remember their Pa taught them to love horses.”
Some hard, fast rules were set in place, but quitting was not an option for any of us. Although life without horses is still wonderful, it’s better with them. It’s tough to get them out when they get in your blood. Settling for less because of weariness, fear, or giants is not a good enough reason to quit. The Second Great Awakening preacher Peter Cartwright said, “Never retreat till you know you can advance no further.”
In Numbers 32, Reuben, Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh decide to settle on the east side of the Jordan instead of crossing the Jordan and possessing the promised land. They ask Moses, and God allows it. Yet it wasn’t what He had promised them. They settled for less. Yet, God had stipulations for them. One was that they had to go and fight with all the tribes while they possessed the promised land; another was that they must offer sacrifices at the permanent place God commanded, in Shiloh (Deuteronomy 12:13-14; Jeremiah 7:12; Joshua 22:1-6). Shiloh is where the Tabernacle stayed throughout the book of Judges.
The tribe of Manasseh set up an altar they called “The Witness.” It was their “witness” to all the surrounding people and foreign tribes that they were on the Lord’s side. Giving spiritual names to carnal ideas doesn’t make them more acceptable to God. Though we don’t have an exact example of them using it to sacrifice, the risk to future generations was too great.
“The temptation to future generations who have forgotten the smell of incense and the sound of worship in the Tabernacle is too great to allow it to stand. Good intentions have often led to failures. The old Portuguese proverb says, ‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions.’ Beware lest our own devices trick us into thinking we can build a replica altar, name it what we perceive makes it spiritually acceptable, and then think God will be ok with this. Having a replica is too dangerous when the original is just a short distance away.” – Jim Stockdale.
Listening intently, I asked my father, “How do you keep from settling?” “By always returning to Shiloh,” he said without delay. “Never make an alternate solution because if you do, it will lead you astray one day.” It was the children of the tribes of Manasseh, Gad, and Reuben that would be at great risk to let “The Witness” be enough; no need to cross over the Jordan to offer sacrifices where God commanded; watching church online is enough, I don’t need to attend and be around Gods people; Southern Gospel hour is plenty.
Yet, tucked away in Zephaniah 1:5 we see that Manasseh has fallen away; the verse speaks of their rebellion. “Those who worship the host of heaven on the housetops; those who worship and swear oaths by the Lord, but who also swear by Milcom (or Molech).” Their course of action is dealt with in 2 Kings 23:10-13. King Josiah destroys their idol altars that Manasseh has made in the house of the Lord. After all, “The Witness” was only to stand as a symbol of their allegiance to God. Funny what happens when you pitch your tent outside of Sodom.
Eva, our oldest, came running down the hallway from upstairs with tears rolling down her face. “I read the wrong Bible lesson for school today! Now I have to start all over!” I held her close and wiped her tears. “It’s okay, Eva. I know something you don’t. The stories never change. It will come around again. Keep moving forward.” That’s the beauty about our God—He changes not.
Unexpectedly, Eva had to have knee surgery a few weeks back. We found this odd since she was so young. The root cause was found during the knee repair, and her knee was fixed completely.
Our first doctor’s appointment revealed unsatisfactory methods to my husband. I, however, was ready to go ahead, to settle, and just be done with the surgery. But something didn’t sit quite right with him. I felt the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit, “How many times have you asked him to listen when you felt strongly about a situation?” I quickly repositioned myself and told him I trusted his decision.
A few calls later, we had her scheduled with one of the best surgeons in the country. It was an impossible feat in my mind, one I did not want to pursue. Except for one touch of God’s favor, it will change the outcome you desire.
While recovering, we discovered some unknown information about the original surgery we had scheduled. Had we settled, our outcome would have been detrimental to Eva’s healing and her long-term use of that knee. God is already in our tomorrows if we will stop long enough today to follow his leading.
As we were trying to get Eva out of the truck and into the house, she was crying profusely because of the pain and fear. The rain was falling steadily, and the ache inside me was deep. Chuck finally lifted her from the truck while her voice trembled, “Don’t let go, Daddy, don’t let go.” “I won’t drop you,” He said, “Hold on tight to me.” I watched as he held her at a distance so as not to move her body at all, tears stinging my eyes, yet he was unmoved by the pressures. His eyes were focused on the goal. God will give you the courage to cross the Jordan and inherit the land that is rightfully yours.
As we walked into the house, a friend had stayed with Charlotte and Tyson. Tyson was fast asleep in his crib, but Charlotte was waiting for us on the couch; I have a sneaky suspicion she was waiting to make sure her big sister was ok. I told my friend I was sorry it had taken as long as it did. She stayed at our home for over thirteen hours to care for our children with no thought to her own home, children, or responsibilities. She responded, “I had packed a bag prepared to stay the night if need be.”
Don’t settle for less than God has for you. Climb your mountain, cross the Jordan, and smell the incense burning in the temple. And when fear tells you to retreat, weariness tells you to quit, and giants call with their taunts—wait; someone will climb up beside you and tell you where to put your next step.
But take careful heed to do the commandment and the law which Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His commandments, to hold fast to Him, and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul. So, Joshua blessed them (Manasseh, Gad, and Reuben) and sent them away, and they went to their tents. Joshua 22:5-6
