A Family Secret

In our younger years, my parents were always very quick to tell my sister and me how proud they were of us and how much we were loved. When disappointment in our behavior arose, which at times it did, they did not shy away from telling us. Skipping over disobedience was not an option. It was always handled swift and sure. And yet, even in the discipline, I never questioned how much they loved me.

Growing up, we had a secret family code that was passed from one to another without ever uttering a word. Dad learned it from a couple before my mother and he ever married. He liked it so much that he made sure it was implemented in his own family.

It never mattered whether we were in a crowded room or simply walking down an empty hallway. If Mom or Dad ever reached for our hand, more often than not, it was accompanied by three squeezes. A silent reminder of how loved we were. No one in the room knew “I love you” was said, but we did. It was a closely guarded secret, and rightly so, it contained restricted access that could only be granted to immediate family members.

Three squeezes may not have taught me the logistics of a successful life, but it steered me towards better life choices because I knew I had value. Our children are looking to us for esteem in order to help them soar. We must teach them how proud we are of them openly and privately, even when they fall below our standard of perfection.

My dad had a fun little joke he loved to play between my sister and me. He would tell us separately, “You know you’re my favorite.” Of course, neither of us knew he was saying it to both of us until we got older, but we sure did feel special!

I remember hearing a preacher say, “If you want better, get around someone better than you.” There is a lot of truth in that simple statement. Someone who has been financially stable for years is who I need teaching me how to budget, not someone who is financially sloppy. A great marriage never just happens. It comes from putting oneself in a place to be impacted from a marriage better than our own. If we want well-reared children, we need to spend some time around couples that have well-brought up children, and ask them questions. My cousin and her husband have two children a few years older than Eva Jewel. I find a wealth of information and sound direction when I take time to ask her for advice on the coming years.

I love horses, everything about them intrigues me. I am sure it is because I grew up around them. I even enjoy just watching them out in the pasture. There is an interesting phenomenon that happens with horses. They are herd animals. The lead horse is usually very confident and not much rattles him/her. The rest of the herd will follow him/her over unknown terrain because they trust in their ability to guide them in the right direction. The same is true for our families. As parents, our children will follow our lead. It is not in our perfection that we create strong families, but in our imperfections. It is in recognizing where changes need to be made that we become stronger.

My mother asked me awhile back, if I was ever going to write about three squeezes? I told her NO, because some things are never to be shared. She told me I should reconsider. As time went by, I began to wonder why I didn’t want to tell of something so meaningful, especially if it had the capability of helping another young family in search of keepsakes like my own. Someone took the time to share a gem with my father. Now, it becomes time for me to do the same. For, only in teaching will others know; application, however, belongs to the recipient.

Keep family secrets. There is nothing like undisclosed information that no one else knows.

Now, I am sure curiosity has raised the question; Has three squeezes been passed down to my own family? Awe, my friend, I will never tell. For that, is our family secret.

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“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands…” Isaiah 49:16

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