A Place to Lay His Head

Watching my mother create a home for our family was nothing short of ordinary. Our home was a place that beckoned one to come inside. It wasn’t all the ornamental objects that hung on the wall that made it so welcoming, albeit, that does help, it was the atmosphere she created daily. She tended to the needs of each of us and still found time to put away the laundry.

No matter what my father needed help with, my mother was always first on the scene. Never complaining but always right by his side to support him; whether it was helping get the tractor out of a fix or working beside him to finish the latest project. Whatever it was, they were a team. On the flip side, Dad never criticized how mom took care of the house or what still needed doing. If supper didn’t turn out the way she had intended, he would eat it anyway and let her know how much he appreciated her cooking.

Looking back, I cannot remember hearing my mother talk down to my father. Even if it was deserved. Conversations like that were handled privately. He was made out to be our champion publicly. 

On occasion, my sister and I would hear Mom say, “Oh Jim!” or Dad would talk to himself saying, “Now this is your Mother’s doing.” It was always funny to hear because it was said so calmly like nothing ever jolted them. Though, I’m sure it did. We just never knew it.

Our children do not need to hear the mistakes our spouse makes or the disappointments we may feel towards them. I have heard it said that it is good to show children all the faces of marriage. This is a dangerous misconception. Yes, teaching them how to handle conflict correctly is extremely important,  but basking in our immaturity and then solidifying it by making excuses for our behavior will not reflect to our children what a strong marriage looks like. It will instead leave a sour taste in their mouths, and more times than not, leave them repeating the same behavior only worse. “What one generation does in moderation the next will do in excess” Jim Stockdale.

The story of Samson and Delilah has a concealed nugget hidden within the story that was pointed out to me. At the end of the story when Samson is about to give up the secret to his strength there is a compelling piece of information shown to us. Judges 14:16 says, “Delilah lulled Samson to sleep with his head in her lap…” What Samson found in the arms of Delilah was not love. She was deceptive and conniving, but that is not what I want to focus on. Samson did not continue to come back to Delilah’s house because of her beauty, although it was alluring, it was because she gave him a place to lay his head.

Ladies, more than all the physical attributes we possess; more than our hair, nails, make-up, and clothing; It is the place we create for our men to come home to that they find solace, contentment, and praise. A man rises to the occasion when he is honored, esteemed, and cherished.

I am far from perfect and most days if you saw me you may wonder how in the world I got a man as handsome, loving, and “buff” as I did (that’ll make him smile). I do make a conscious effort to care for myself, but I have found that is not in my physical appearance, wardrobe, or makeup that my husband notices the most. It is actually when I feel at my worst that he sees me best; hair pulled back, grubby attire on, to handle the outside chores, and him within earshot of my daily questions, comments, and concerns. Although he likes my new outfit and the newest decor I have added to our home, it will never keep him. It is in my commitment to him, our children, and the life we are building together that he finds a place to lay his head.

Our children need to think Daddy hung the moon and tacked up the stars on his way down. It is not our husband’s mistakes that we should parade before our family and friends but their triumphs. Dishonor only beats him down. God created the man to be the head of the family. It is through honor that he rises to his rightful place.

My mother still preserves a home and knows exactly how my father likes his water- lots of ice and a squeeze of lime juice. She serves him continuously and he loves her affectionately. They laugh together daily and keep each other close when the waves begin to toss.

There was not a manual read between my parents to predict their responses to each other. My father and mother lived by a simple principle in their daily marital walk and it has served them well. Their motto has always been, “Defend publicly, correct privately.”

The other day Chuck was working late outside. I had gone inside to ready supper. When it was finished, I called for Eva to come inside. She noticed I walked over to the stove and prepared Daddy’s plate. She asked me, “Why are you making Daddy’s plate? He isn’t inside yet?” I gave a sly smile knowing one of those rare moments was approaching yet again. I continued preparing his plate and said, “Eva, don’t ever let your prince come inside and find his supper waiting for him on the stove; always prepare his plate. Let him know you value all he does.”

The biggest fans your husband should see are the ones gathering at the door when he walks through it. Smoke may be coming out of your ears and the kids may have lost their clothes somewhere between the mud and the sprinkler, but He should be able to count on his home to be the place where he can lay his head.

Welcome Home

“…and let the wife honor her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

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