I DO

I was standing with my dad on the back porch over-looking the wedding arrangements and awaiting the hour that the wedding ceremony would begin. I laid my head on my dad’s shoulder and whispered, “I can’t do this.” The next couple of hours seemed like a blur of emotions. I was a real-life runaway bride. I hid in my parent’s bedroom while they tried to figure out why I was backing out. Meanwhile, Chuck was getting ready five miles away with no idea that his bride was getting cold feet.

I was taught love is a decision, not a feeling, but I had been living on feelings for the past five years. I lived for the moment. Instead of making calculated decisions, I did or said whatever I felt like at the time. Chuck was the only constant I had during those years. He always had a plan and stuck to it. Me? I never did. The Bible says in  Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?”  Jeremiah was referring to our mind, will and emotions. When we live based on “how we feel,” the truth will change daily. True North will not exist and we will be lost without a compass.  Now faced with a decision that would change my life forever, I panicked. I felt incapable of making such a vow. I had created a mountain of questions and uncertainties because I hastened ahead without seeking God and wise counsel. I found myself empty and on shifting sand. I had planned an elaborate wedding, with no money in the bank, to a man my parents barely knew. Like I said, I lived for the moment. Chuck was able to talk me down off the ledge of a large wedding and instead, we planned a very small ceremony in my parent’s backyard.

Chuck and I had been dating for five years, but I had kept our relationship a secret from my parents for the most part. I knew there would be hard questions that I was not ready to answer. Not only had I been living a life not marked by a Christian, but I was living oblivious to the fact that there were black and white issues that needed to addressed. Quality parenting will hit hard issues head-on. Our society today teaches there are no absolutes, and each person can do whatever they choose and live happily ever after. This works great in fairy tales but not in real life and certainly not in a marriage. God has boundaries He put into place for our success. Marriage is one of those boundaries. Its borders confine it to one man and one woman. The color of skin matters not to God, but it can be devastating without proper guidance. To ignore race in a marriage will leave you unequipped to handle cultural differences when they arise and they will arise. Learning the transition from “His and Hers” to “Ours” can be hard enough. It is only in the exposure of hard issues that resolutions can be found. My parents knew this. I, however, did not.

My Grandparents walked into the room and found me crying. I had decided I couldn’t go through with it and asked my dad to go out and announce to all the wedding party guests and family that the wedding was off. Immediately, my Grandfather, Ben, knelt beside me and began to pray for me. It was then that Chuck arrived and saw the commotion. He quickly made his way to where I was and quietly listened as I shared my heart. I expected him to leave after he saw my indecisiveness but instead, he gently said, “I’m right here, and this is where I am staying.” Through my tears, I saw a man who would love me unconditionally; a man who would not cower when the pressure was on. I knew this was the man my parents had prayed for me to find since I was a little girl. We both were a little banged up with some rough edges, but it was nothing the Lord couldn’t smooth out, given a little time. I had made my decision. No more secrets. No more living for the moment. I would face my fears and our future together. It would start by walking down that aisle and publicly vowing, “To have and to hold, till death do us part.”

My father made light of the situation to the wedding party and let them know that although the bride had cold feet they seemed to have warmed up and there was about to be a wedding! The guests were due to arrive in thirty minutes, and I had yet to get dressed! Typically, August is a hot, dry month, but for my wedding…it rained a monsoon. Nothing could stop me from getting down that aisle at this point. I slipped my shoes off and laced my arm through my dad’s. I was ready. He walked me through my mother’s flower garden on the way to the tent, trying to buy himself a little bit more time before giving me away, but it was no use. He knew I was already reaching for another. Even with my muddy bare feet and a soaking wet wedding dress, Charles was waiting to steal Cinderella.

More often than not, it rains on our anniversary, and we are reminded about what happened that day. It was life-changing. There was a picture taken during our ceremony of us lighting the unity candle. Because of the weather, we could not get it to stay lit. Finally, Chuck tried one more time and got it! I quickly cupped my hand around it to keep it from going out. Chuck followed as well. As we made our way back in front of my father, he said, “Just as you protected that candle, you protect this flame that burns between you.” I keep that picture on my mantle as a constant reminder that even though fairy tales may not exist in real life, we still lived happily ever after .

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

Happy Valentines Day

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