“Our children will one day thank us for staying.” – T.D. Jakes
The year was 1973, and my Grandpa had just been given five acres out in the country of small town USA. He’d had his fill of the big city and was country bound. With land now in his possession, he was ready to begin construction on his family’s new house. After walking into the bank to meet with the bank manager, he explained his plans and the banker looked up at him and said, “Tell you what, Mr. Stockdale, you go and write checks like you have all the money in the world and we will settle up when all is said and done.” They shook hands to close the deal.
Being a man of his word, my grandpa began construction on a permanent residence. Interestingly enough, temporary dwelling was never a thought. Grandpa was building a place to stay. Back then, decisions were made for delayed gratification rather than instant feel-good feelings. Our grandparents had a fortitude to see anything through. You might say they knew how to cut a path.
Today, new is better and old is outdated. Unfortunately, this same philosophy has crept into our homes. Instead of looking for a reason to stay, we look for the exit. (Please keep in mind I am speaking in general here, NOT towards unavoidable circumstances).
I remember when Chuck and I got married, my father took me aside and said to me, “Divorce does not need to be a word that is said in your home. Marriage is for life. There will be challenges, but you both will come out better if you grow together.” He finished by telling me, I was never to use mom and he as an escape. My home was with Chuck now, not them. They have always been there as a guiding voice but never as an exit.
In the movie Seabiscuit, I love what the owner says to the trainer when he decides the horse is worthless. The owner smiles, reminiscent like, and then says, “You don’t throw a whole life away just because it is a little banged up.”
We all come into marriage a little banged up; in need of some deep cleaning. Some cleaning can be done with a simple rinse, such as selfishness. Other smudges may need a stronger agent like Dawn to help with the caked on stains from years of wrong ideas. In either case, marriage, when applied correctly, becomes the sponge that wipes away all the wrong and leaves us sparkling clean. The now clean dishes can be neatly stacked in the cabinet while the greasy water is drained away.
This picture is played out nowhere better than in the Bible where Jesus washes his disciple’s feet in John chapter 13. He demonstrates servanthood, so they are left without question as to what it means to serve.
“When you wash someone’s feet you realize why they walk the way they do.” – author unknown.
When our roles as husband and wife follow the correct path, we are able to see clearly the steps our spouse takes each day. As we each do our part to contribute to the order God has placed within the home, the result will be peace. Peace is not some lofty concept that comes from deep breathing and dim lights. Peace will never be found within oneself. Although a deep breath is nice, all it does is open up the chest cavity. Despite popular opinion, it will not bring peace. Peace is only found in Jesus. He is the Prince of Peace.
Walking into my grandparent’s home is like stepping back in time only with new shoes on. It leaves you filled with past reflections but brings a hope for the future. Fresh paint has been applied to the walls, but the same creaks are still in the floor. There are no children filling the bedrooms anymore, but the same juice glasses still sit in the cupboard. The path, through their house, is so worn down I could walk it blindfolded and never miss a step.
June will mark forty-eight years that my grandparents have lived in the house that started with a handshake. Five acres has grown into forty-nine beautiful country acres. Little did they know the impact of their decision to stay. They have endeared me to the old paths. Their tracks leave a clearly marked pathway for me to follow.
Grandpa and Grandma, thank you for staying.
Welcome Home
“Stand in the way and ask for the old paths, where the good way is and walk in it. There you will find rest for your souls…” Jeremiah 6:16
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