Fiddling through my purse, I readjusted, and as I sat back up, I saw nothing but Chuck’s jeans. Oh dear, He is standing. “But it is not time to stand,” I thought to myself. I scanned the crowd. He has yet to notice. Quickly I slapped Chuck’s leg, “Chuck, sit down! It is not time to stand!” He eased back into the pew. A voice leaned up behind us and said, “We thought you had something to share.” Chuck, who never wants attention drawn his way, speedily countered, “I would’ve headed for the exit if somebody called my name.”
Many years ago, Chuck and I had gone out to dinner. It was a beautiful spot on the river. The sun was setting and glistening across the water. We sat long enough for the street lights to come on and reflect upon the water. We ate more seafood than two people should ever eat. We were pleasantly content and happy when our server walked to our table. She was an older woman who had been serving for many years. She served, not because she had to, but because she loved it and was good at it. She commented to Chuck and me, “I need to tell you both something. I have enjoyed watching you sit here, visit, and enjoy each other’s company. Neither of you has any electronics anywhere in sight. You can tell you value each other’s company.”
Before the foundation can be laid for a house, the footings are put in place. These are typically concrete blocks dug out around the house’s perimeter. Without proper footing, the house will have structural damage over time.
In South Dakota, anywhere in the North for that matter, when building a house, you must dig down below the frost line so that the foundation is not shifting and heaving with the freezing and unthawing as the seasons come and go.
Ezra 3:10 writes, “When the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the Lord, the priests stood in their apparel with trumpets, and the Levites, the sons of Asaph, with cymbals to praise the Lord, according to the ordinance of David king of Israel.”
It is easily missed that the temple was built with ease. The builders, however, would have dug down on all sides to properly lay the temple’s foundation. The builders would have been filthy.
Early in our marriage, it felt more like a daily mud bath. Learning to work together and accept each other’s opinions as possibilities was challenging. But as the seasons have come and gone, and the freezing and thawing has occurred, we have been pleasantly surprised to see that our footings were adequately laid. The filth we thought disqualified us proved to be the substance that qualified us. I can’t control what the weather does, but I can control where the footings are.
“When setting up the play in football, the interior of your line on the field is the most important part of the setup. If that is weak, out of step or faulty, the play is destined to fail.” – Chuck Howard
With two young children, going out to eat now looks more like a cafeteria line as we cut, slice, grab, clean, and feed – even perhaps a few stern looks explaining what will happen if the girls continue their actions. But our family still enjoys one another as we visit and laugh about the day’s activities or the upcoming events we have to look forward to with no devices to distract us. That’s not to say it is never glanced at, but that is the exception, not the rule.
Michelangelo was asked how he created the structure of David. He responded, “I just chipped away at anything that didn’t look like David.”
Chip away at the things that don’t make a good marriage until all that’s left resembles a structure that will stand the test of time.
When Chuck and I can, we steal away for a date night, just the two of us. I slip my arm inside his strong side as we walk inside the restaurant. We find a quiet table for two and enjoy a fine meal. Because the early years were messy, we have plenty to talk about now- actually enjoying each other’s viewpoint and finding value in their insight. There has been no permanent structural damage from the early years.
Although I am not trying to be on display, I sincerely hope someone else might be watching. I hope someone sees us walk in and notices the time we took to dress nicely for one another. I hope they notice the conversation we share, the smiles, and even the comfortable silence that passes between us. It may be an older couple off in the corner of the restaurant who catches our eye and recognizes the signs. Perhaps he will lean over to his beloved and say, “Look at that young couple over there. They have found their footing.”
Live joyfully with the wife of your youth whom you love all the days of your life. Ecclesiastes 9:9
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