“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.”
Stephen M.R. Covey
Before I left the hospital with Charlotte, the Doctor came in and asked me if I wanted to stay another night? She told me the real world was waiting for me beyond these doors and that I should soak up all the special care I could. I responded with a courteous “No, Thank You.” I wanted nothing more than to busy myself with caring for my family.
I knew the best thing for me to do was to get up and get moving. I did not want to get comfortable. I reserve comfort for the evening hours when all the tasks are completed (or moved to the next day). I did not need a reason to stay. I had three reasons to go.
Before being discharged, the nurse looked at me to ensure she didn’t see any signs of depression. I smiled at her and commented, “Why would I be sad? I am holding the prize. I won.”
The other day, my smile towards winning the prize had faded. I tried to get Charlotte strapped in the car seat carrier while rushing to ready Eva for school. Eva couldn’t find her shoes. She had looked everywhere, but they were not where they were supposed to be. You can imagine how far peace had escaped our “happy home.” In my haste, I let her know how upset I was because she had not prepared for school properly. Her joy level at this point was definitely below par.
On the way to school, I heard a whisper in my heart telling me the fault lay with me. I thought back throughout the morning events and my lackadaisical meanderings that had cost me minutes. Then, when I needed those minutes, I found fault with Eva. The shoes have a place, and Eva knows this, but I should have followed up behind her, checking to make sure the morning routine was getting finished. I stopped the silence on the way to school and asked her to forgive me. I had gotten snappy, and she needed to know Mommy was sorry. I explained that I should have finished my tasks earlier to have been more prepared to help her.
God wants so much to bless us, to help us live full of love, joy, and peace. But if we look for the fault in others rather than ourselves, we find a shallow pool filled with blame.
We saved the school day, and everyone lived to talk about it. I even stumbled upon the lost shoes as I was tidying up around the house. I went and sat them where they belonged and casually thought about the fault line I had discovered, not with Eva, but within myself.
Welcome Home
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, and temperance.” Galatians 5:22-23
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